Remembering my Friend, Nora Ephron
Sadly, my friend, Nora Ephron, passed away on June 26, from pneumonia brought on by acute myeloid leukemia. Nora was, of course, a journalist, writer, and director of films such as When Harry Met Sally and Julie & Julia. Very few on her long list of friends knew that she was ill, as Nora loathed complaining. I had the great honor of attending her memorial held on Monday at Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall in Manhattan, called “A Gathering for Nora.” It was certainly a memorable experience. To see aa clip of Nora on my television show, click here.
1 As the crowd filled Alice Tully Hall for Nora Ephron's memorial, the mood was quite somber, as you can imagine. However, that soon changed to heartfelt and hilarious.
2 There were about 800 notables present, by invitation only. While Nora was in the hospital dying, she organized the entire memorial, filing her plans in a folder labelled "exit."
3 She made up the guest list and decided who would speak and for how long.
4 Nora even selected the music - classic songs like "I've Got the World on a String" sung by Frank Sinatra and "You Must Remember This" sung by Jimmy Durante.
5 Nora chose this wonderful photo of herself for the program cover. She had great hair and admitted to having it blown out twice a week, stating that it was a lot cheaper than psychoanalysis.
6 The somber mood lifted when the first speaker, Martin Short, took the stage. He said, “I believe that when people pass, they zoom into the people that love them the most. So, if that’s the case, then all of us here have a piece of Nora. And that’s the way it should be. Because life would just seem all too mundane without her."
7 Richard Cohen, Washington Post columnist, said that “Nora was one degree of separation. Nora not only knew everybody, she read everything. If I had a book, she had the galleys. If I had the galleys, she had the manuscript. If I had the manuscript, she knew the author. If you wanted to read the book before she did, you had to go to the printing plant in Kentucky or someplace.”
8 Nora's son, writer Jacob Bernstein, said of his mom, “She was the most fantastic blend of joy and cynicism. She was my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and a total drill sergeant, which is basically what a great parent is supposed to be."
9 Director, Mike Nichols, said "Ephron had chosen the playlist, the huge pots of hydrangeas, the speakers, and demanded that all of us be finished in under 47 minutes. She was necessary to us."
10 Her sister Delia Ephron, stated, “Was there anyone in the world with more opinions? The planet is practically opinionless now.”
11 Nora's son, musician Max Bernstein, recalled when he had chicken pox and how it was the first time he realized how much he was loved by his mother. He also recalled Nora's resistance to having Thanksgiving dinner early in the day. “We always had it at 7, like civilized people."
12 Actress Meryl Streep said that, “She pulled a fast one on us. It’s really stupid to be mad at somebody who died, but somehow I have managed it. I guess sometimes you have to wait for someone to leave the room to say how great they are.”
13 Rosie O’Donnell read, "I Hate my Purse," a humorous excerpt from Nora and Delia's play, "Love, Loss and What I Wore."
14 The speeches were so poignant, funny, and moving that I didn't want to forget a thing.
15 The list of eleven speakers - Tom Hanks and wife Rita Wilson performed a humorous he-said, she-said imitation of Nora and her husband, writer Nick Pileggi. J.J. Sacha, Nora's assistant for 14 years said, "It’s fair to say I earned a Ph.D. in Nora."
16 Nora loved food and cooking and each program came with a different recipe that she provided from her personal collection. I was touched to hear that some of my recipes were included.
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A lovely tribute, saw her on your show and am so sorry to hear of her passing.
Posted by: Dalene Parker | July 12th, 2012 at 12:36 am
Thank you for sharing this Martha I appreciate this posting.
Posted by: Nanette | July 12th, 2012 at 12:49 am
It's so touching to see her honored so beautifully. Thanks for sharing this.
Posted by: Karen | July 12th, 2012 at 12:57 am
At first, I thought this was going to be really sad/weird to read. Quite the opposite! It seems like it was more of a celebration of her life. Especially since she planned the whole thing! She will definitely be missed.
Posted by: desirea | July 12th, 2012 at 1:44 am
Wat a lovely service. Maybe we should all plan our services.
My son died from Chronic Myeloid Leukemia 6 years ago this coming October. He didn't complain, either, and never gave up, or quit trying to do things. After he was discharged from the Army because he was sick, after 15 years of service, he was trying to go back to school and get his Masters when he had to quit during mid-term exams in December, almost a year before he died.
So, Martha, if you can go back to school, go for it. My son would have been proud of you. He thought you were one good looking and smart woman.
Gloria G!!
Posted by: Gloria | July 12th, 2012 at 1:51 am
As I lose family and friends, I seem to laugh and cry at the same time because I feel the joy and the pain in the same moment. I'm sorry for your loss, Martha.
Posted by: Bobbie | July 12th, 2012 at 2:33 am
I loved her writing, her sense of humour and her worldliness and of course her recipes! We have lost someone trully amazing and I thank you for letting me say this publically
Posted by: Caroline Regan | July 12th, 2012 at 2:45 am
Thank you for sharing this, Martha. It is sad to lose such a great talent! When I attended a taping of your show in 2006, Nora was one of the guests - along with Donny Osmond. She was the highlight for me. She was there to promote her book "I Feel Bad About My Neck" - a very funny book about the perils of aging. She was very funny on the show and she mentioned what a big influence you had been in her culinary life, saying she had had numerous, imaginary "conversations" with you in her own mind while creating something in the kitchen in the wee hours of the night: "My chocolate cake is charred! What would you do, Martha?" This is something I also do! It was great to be in her presence. She'll be missed.
Posted by: Andrew Ritchie | July 12th, 2012 at 5:43 am
Dear Martha,
Thank you so much for sharing this special moment! I will always remember your show with Nora and her sister, Delia, as guests. It was warm and funny; three friends sharing themselves with us.
Bill
Posted by: Bill | July 12th, 2012 at 6:26 am
Hello,
What A Great Piece Of Nora's Memory... Her Legacy Will Remain In Our Hearts!
xxxx
Posted by: Michal | July 12th, 2012 at 6:40 am
Thank you for sharing, Martha. What an inspiration!
Posted by: Sandra Sheets | July 12th, 2012 at 7:16 am
Thank you for sharing the memorial of your friend, Nora Ephron, Martha. She certainly entertained and inspired us with her writing.
Gloria G, my condolences on the loss of your beloved son. Thank you for sharing his story with us. God Bless.
Posted by: Cindy F | July 12th, 2012 at 7:42 am
She was a class act, will be missed.
Posted by: ga447 | July 12th, 2012 at 7:44 am
Very sorry about the loss of your friend, but what a stunning tribute to a life
fully lived. It was about everything important in life, family and friends,
beauty and song. I love the exit folder. I shall remember her whenever I watch
When Harry Meets Sally every New Year's Eve.
Enjoy the beauty in this day and my tests were fine!!!!
Kathy
Posted by: Kathy Peterson | July 12th, 2012 at 8:14 am
July 9, 2012, I became mother of a 50 year old so was also a nostalgic day here on the prairie. Nora was able to entertain the world and this was great tribute. All of us are on earth for a short time and we can learn much about LIVING from her and others like you you have that special way of teaching.
Posted by: ann | July 12th, 2012 at 8:26 am
Hi Martha,
Thanks for sharing this wonderful tribute to Nora. She was a much-loved and wonderful person with enormous talent and will be missed by many. I always enjoyed seeing her on your show. Trish
Posted by: Trish | July 12th, 2012 at 8:35 am
Exactly what was said above. Nora, you are a class act. We'll all miss you.
Posted by: matt | July 12th, 2012 at 8:46 am
Hi Martha, Thank you for sharing this lovely blog about attending the Memorial at Lincoln Center for wonderful Nora Ephron! I know she was a brilliant author and I enjoyed seeing all of her fantastic movies over the years! She certainly was a great friend of yours and I recall seeing her on your TV Show! Thanks for showing that video again! I'm sure you recall talking to Pam from California and reading her comments on your blog a while ago. Her beautiful Chow Chow, Mrs. Bosley Chow Chow died on July 4th at 16 years plus almost 4 months. She told us about her loss on The Daily Wag and we are all saddened about that, too. Loved seeing you on the Today Show yesterday! Hope you have another great day! Jan
Posted by: Jan Erickson | July 12th, 2012 at 10:21 am
Martha,
I was sad to hear of her passing. Thanks for sharing this blog.
Posted by: KLBrown | July 12th, 2012 at 10:36 am
What a wonderful way to be honored. She was some kind of woman. She will be missed.
Posted by: CYndy Williams-Wolf | July 12th, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Thank you, Cindy F!!!
I was not as familiar with Nora's life and work as the rest of you, but my sympathies are with her family and friends.
And, to Kathy Peterson...Thank The Good Lord that your tests are good.!
Gloria G!!
Posted by: Glroria | July 12th, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Thank you for sharing this.
Posted by: Carol Zwickey | July 12th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this, Martha. It was wonderful to see the photographs and program from her memorial. I felt like I was there.
I have loved Nora for ages. When I first discovered her writing in college, I quickly absorbed all that I could (Heartburn, Nora Ephron Collected) and recited every line from When Harry Met Sally. I felt like she was a friend...We all felt like she was a friend! Of course, you were one of the lucky ones to truly call her a friend. I was so shocked to hear that she had passed away, but now I understand why she kept her fight with cancer silent. She really was a class act and a brilliant writer. I will miss her immensely.
Posted by: Erika | July 12th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Simply beautiful....a wonderful act to follow.
Posted by: Robin | July 12th, 2012 at 8:18 pm
It's a shame we lost someone with a lot of talent.
Posted by: C.T.G. | July 12th, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Thanks for sharing the loss of your friend Martha you and all concerned have my prayers and condolences. It seems Nora's life was a tribute to the love of life and was a true class act.
Mike
Posted by: Mike Schwalb | July 12th, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Martha, Thanks for sharing your up close and personal description of Nora Ephron's amazing "final act"- I read it with tears in my eyes. What a wonderful life! Xo Dani
Posted by: Dani Fiori | July 12th, 2012 at 9:10 pm
Martha: Thank you so much for sharing this! Such a loss...on 7/4 we declared it Nora Day and watched 8 films in a row while eating cake and drinking pink champagne. I highly recommend doing this at least once a year!
Posted by: Gayle Grace | July 12th, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Oh, Martha. Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute for Nora. Your photos and thoughts made the memorial so meaningful for your viewers, readers and friends. Nora would be tickled with her success in planning such an important event honoring her life. I am honored to have been able to share this important service. Thank you. Prayers and thoughts for all of Nora's family And friends.
Posted by: Wayna Polk | July 12th, 2012 at 9:59 pm
This is so helpful in grieving this good person. Thanks for sharing Martha!
Posted by: Teresa Touey | July 12th, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Thank you Martha for sharing the special moments of Nora's goodbye. I will forever be grateful for the laughter she provided for many generations. My daughter loved her, I loved her and my Mom adored her!
Posted by: Heather McDonald | July 12th, 2012 at 11:06 pm
Thank you for sharing this, Martha! I loved Nora Ephron so I am very happy to see this!
Posted by: Yvette | July 13th, 2012 at 12:16 am
Thank you for sharing this Martha.
Tomorrow, July 13, 2012, is the anniversary date of my late husband. I will cry as I always have the past four anniversary's, and will sit at the Mass being said for him, and miss him terribly. But I will also remember this share of yours as I am seated there because it makes me smile. Nora Ephron wisely selected her honored speakers and guests, and some of these well thought out quotes you wrote down, so as not to forget, and shared, will simply make tomorrow a little easier for me. They simply and purely, remind one to celebrate life. And I now like to believe that my dear Frank zoomed a part of himself...into me.
Posted by: Becky | July 13th, 2012 at 1:06 am
Martha, thank you so very much for sharing this, another crowning example of Nora's wit and thoughtful-ness. She was an inspiration and will be dearly missed. If we can look back on those we've lost and smile, that is a good life...
Posted by: Peggy | July 14th, 2012 at 1:21 pm
A lovely, fitting tribute to a generous spirit.
We should all leave such a legacy!
Posted by: Kathaleen Linars | July 15th, 2012 at 11:38 am
Thank you for sharing...what a wonderful person that we all can learn from..and luckily some have
Posted by: Marguerite DOwns | July 16th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Thanks so much for sharing your experience at Nora's memorial. I know so many of us felt like we knew her by simply letting her witty writing and memorable films into our hearts and lives. I was touched by your handwritten notes all over the program - a true testament to how meaningful a service it was. Condolences; the world lost a great one.
Posted by: Lindsay | July 16th, 2012 at 7:39 pm